Planning for the End of Life

What is this Workshop?

UUCWNC offers a facilitated ‘Final Wishes’ Workshop focused on end of life planning.

Our four-session workshop is offered 1-2 times per year. It provides an opportunity to:

  • Discuss issues related to death and dying
  • Develop your own individualized action plan
  • Participate in our workshop ‘process’ structured to aid you in completing a nationally recognized end of life planning tool named ‘Five Wishes’ which:
    • covers personal, spiritual, medical and legal wishes all in one document.
    • enables your family or caregiver to know exactly what you want, so they don’t have to guess
    • It’s legally valid in nearly every state, including N.C.

Because we discuss personal issues, we limit participation in the workshop to no more than 15 people.

Why take part in this Workshop?

When you engage in this Workshop to determine and communicate your final wishes, you will be giving a gift to your family and friends.

We all probably have heard too many stories of friends, neighbors, and family members who were tasked with supporting loved ones at the end of life without really knowing what their true wishes were.  At the moment we are in deepest grief over losing someone we care about, we are often tasked with writing obituaries, planning commemorative services, and managing a myriad of administrative documents and issues.

Hopefully through participation in this Workshop series, you will gain clarity for yourself, and be able to provide guidance to your heirs.

Imagine how relieved your heirs, family and friends will be to learn that you have considered many of the end of life issues and can provide guidance about how best to handle them.

TO PARTICIPATE in the Final Wishes Workshop please contact Robin Middleton via email at:  finalwishes@uucwnc.org

How are the four sessions run?

  • Before each session, an assignment is given to help participants prepare for the upcoming session.   
  • Gathering in Dobkin Hall, sessions begin in a large circle, but often break into smaller groups, providing solo reflection times as well.   
  • There is a general session outline for each of the four sessions, that allows for flexibility based on the group’s needs/interests. 
  • Participants’ insights, information, experiences and questions shape and define the uniqueness of each workshop group and the content of each discussion.  
  • Group members are paired with an ‘Accountability Buddy’ to encourage and support each other’s progress completing assignments and personal goals, by touching base in the time between sessions.  

Goals for the Five Wishes Workshop

We hope to create a safe space to:
  • Share thoughts, feelings, and insights about this phase in our lives.
  • Provide information, resources, support and encouragement to complete various tasks related to end of life planning.
  • Share ideas, successes, challenges and concerns related to end of life planning.
  • Create a personal action plan to accomplish one’s goals while also serving as an accountability check for others in the group.

First Steps – Preparation:

We recommend viewing videos on The Conversation Project’s website, particularly the following videos: 

  • Watch a humorous take on the importance of choosing a proxy who would act with your wishes in mind.  To view Pick your person click to watch: Who will speak for you?

  • Watch this video for a few conversation starters. To view Wondering how to start? click to watch: Practice Makes Perfect

OVERVIEW | Five Wishes – www.fivewishes.org

  • Click to see Sample Five Wishes document.
  • The Five Wishes document is available at cost in a print or electronic version. Click to order either the Paper or Digital Versions listed on the Five Wishes website.
  • Five Wishes documents are legally valid in almost all states, including North Carolina. Some states require specific additional forms or mandatory notices. If you live in one of these states, you can still use  Five Wishes to help guide the conversation and put your wishes in writing, and you can then attach any additional required forms.

WISH 1

Who do I want to make health care decisions for me if I can’t make them for myself.

Actions: Pick your health care agent(s).

WISH 2

What Kind of medical treatment do I want? What kind of treatment do I definitely not want?

Actions: Provide guidance to potential caregivers. Define what ‘Life-Support Treatment’ means to you.
Resources:

  • Do You Want Death by Choice or by Chance. See: Advanced Medical Directive Worksheet (2023)
  • Suggestions for Tree of Contacts including medical, financial, friends, misc. Click to download and/or print a list of  ‘Contacts’ for access to your loved one’s information. These are suggestions (this is not an exhaustive list – but offers a place to begin).

WISH 3

What kind of physical comfort do I want as my life draws to a close?
Actions: Indicate your choices on the A Good Death worksheet.
Resource: A Good Death worksheet. To download and/or print click here: A_Good_Death

WISH 4

What do I want people to know about how I wish to be treated as my life draws to a close?
Actions: Indicate your choices on the A_Good_Death worksheet.

WISH 5

What do I want my loved ones to know to help them deal with my eventual death?

Actions: Indicate your choices on the Creating a Legacy worksheet and the  Celebration of Life worksheet.

Actions To Complete The Document

Actions: In the presence of two witnesses:

  • Sign your Five Wishes document
  • Have the witnesses also sign
  • Have the document Notarized (as required in North Carolina)

What To Do After You Complete Five Wishes

Actions:

  • Review the seven action items listed at the end of the Five Wishes document.
  • Review your Five Wishes document annually to keep it up to date with your wishes. 

Workshop Resources:
 End of Life Planning Websites

  • Compassion and Choices – Click here
  • 11 Things to do Before You Die (LegalZoom) – Click here
  • Five Wishes – Click here
  • Barbara Karnes (bkbooks.com)– Click here
    Includes end of life materials for families and professionals. Helpful blog as well.  May sign up for newsletter too.
  • The Secretary of State for NC – Click here
    The Secretary of State for NC provides documents that you can download and a system for registering/filing them.
  • Center for Death Education – Click here

COMMUNICATING WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS

  • Begin the Conversation – Click here
  • The Conversation Project – Click here
  • Caring Bridge – Click here
    CaringBridge is a free online tool for sharing health updates. It is an easy way to communicate health news to family and friends—all in one place.
  • Lessons I’ve Learned from the Dying by Diane Button – Click here (Source: Maria Shriver’s Sunday Paper)
  • Being Mortal by Atul Gawande, “…the ultimate goal is not a good death but a good life – all the way to the very end.” For description –  Click here

*This is the Irish Hospice Foundation’s End-of-Life Symbol.  The three stranded white spiral represents the interconnected cycle of life: birth, life and death. The white outer circle represents continuity, infinity and completion. The purple background color is associated with nobility, solemnity and spirituality. A universally recognized symbol, it’s inspired by ancient Irish history and is not associated with any one religion or denomination. Click to view Guidelines for use of Irish Hospice Foundation’s End-Of-Life Symbol.